Midnight Cookie Cravings

I am not a "sweets" person. Cookies and chocolate and desserts are not typically my downfall. Chips and salts snacks... yeah, that's where my weaknesses lie. So this past week has been a bit odd for me with all the cookie cravings. I baked cookies for Christmas with no fear whatsoever that they would become a trigger food while they were in the house. I made Cream Sandwich Cookies and Italian Wedding Cookies.

We have our final family Christmas celebration on Thursday (New Year's Day) and the plan was to take the cookies with me and share them with family. With 28 hungry people, there would be no problem getting rid of every last cookie. No big deal... I figured I could bake the cookies and keep them stored until then. I have other sweets in the house that have been there for months and I have had no tempation to eat 'em.

But I've been eating them. Too many of them. And they kept calling to me from the kitchen ... enticing me to eat them. Begging me to nibble their sweet deliciousness.

Last night I crawled into bed around 11:00 p.m. and read for a while. Around midnight the cookies started calling to me. This time I was pissed! How dare they taunt me! I got angry.

So I got out of bed at midnight, went to the kitchen and dumped both containers of cookies straight into the trash.

Their sweet smell filled the kitchen and I was suddenly sad to see them go. There they sat, right on top of a cardboard box in the trashcan, smelling all yummy still. I opened the fridge to find something that needed to be cleared out ... nothing, I'd just cleaned the fridge the other day so all the food was fresh. So I sacraficed a bowl of chili and dumped it on top of the cookies to cover up the sweet smell of powdered sugar. There! Take that you nasty cookies!

This morning I peeked in the trash and mentally patted myself on the back. It feels good to be back in control.

~Pam

My Vitamin Schedule

I've been trying something different with my vitamin schedule lately. 


Since I added iron to my daily intake -- which needs to be taken alone on an empty stomach -- I couldn't make my previous schedule work for me. I also realized that instead of the 2000mg of calcium I needed to take I was actually only getting 1600mg because my doses are 400mg each, not 500mg. So I had to figure out how to fit a 5th dose in. 


So I'm attempting the "every 2 hours" thing. 


Throughout the day I have a total of 7 doses of vitamins and supplement to take and each dose needs 2 hours between them. I need to be awake for 14 hours in order to get it all in. Mmm... that's the first time I've actually done the math, seems a bit more daunting when I write it out like that. LOL!


As soon as I get my butt out of bed in the morning I take my first dose of calcium. Then every 2 hours after that I take another dose of something. Basically 5 doses of calcium+D, 2 doses of vitamins and various supplements and one dose of iron+C. I take the iron just before bed because it likes an empty stomach. I've been doing this for about a week now and it seems to be working pretty good. 


 If it gets too overwhelming, I will probably change up the calcium that I take and find one that I like with a higher doseage size (500mg or 600mg instead of 400mg). But for now, this seems to be working pretty good. 


~Pam

Creamy Chicken and Mushrooms

In the midst of my terrible eating yesterday I threw some chicken in the crock pot for my lunches this week. It turned out delicious and so tender. Here's the recipe. Creamy Chicken and Mushrooms 1 to 2 pounds boneless, skinless chicken breasts 8 oz sliced mushrooms (I used Baby Bellas) 1 can cream of chicken soup (any "cream of" soup would work) 2 T. chicken bouillon powder 1 cup water (substitute 8oz chicken broth for the bouillon and water, if you have it) Place mushrooms and chicken into crock pot (I used frozen chicken breast tenders). In bowl mix soup, bouillon and water and pour over the chicken. Cook on low for 6 to 8 hours or on low for 3 to 4 hours. You're going to get a lot of sauce with this. After I dug out the chicken and mushrooms, I threw away the rest of the sauce. But you can use it to serve over pasta or rice or whatever. I used my kitchen scale and packaged the chicken into individual serving storage bowls with 4oz to 5oz in each ... the perfect size for lunches (about 28g protein). I also steamed some broccoli for a side dish to the chicken. ~Pam

Eating Like a Pig

What is my problem?  I've been eating like a pig for the past two days.   Good stuff and crappy stuff... can't seem to control myself no matter what it is.  It needs to stop right now!  

Just ate a bowl of mac & cheese and now my tummy is angry at me.  Ate cookies earlier.  Had a bowl of cereal for breakfast with no protein in sight.  Microwave popcorn.  Carbs beget carbs!  And I'm experiencing it first hand today. 

It's 5pm and I'm not going to eat carbs again today.  Later I'll make a protein shake - no milk, no fruit allowed -- just protein. 

I wish we didn't have another family Christmas coming up this week.  I wish I could just get back on the plan and not know another mega-feast is looming.  I'm about done with this holiday crap eating.

~Pam

Thinking About Goals

Have you set your 2009 New Year's Resolutions yet?  Do you set goals that are too lofty to achieve or do you try to set goals you know you can achieve?  How many years did we have resolutions to "lose weight" or "exercise more."  After so many years of those resolutions that never really happened, I finally decided not to set goals for myself that I couldn't achieve.  For about 10 years before my surgery I purposefully didn't set resolutions for myself.

Last year's 8 Goals for 2008 was the first time I'd set resolutions that I honestly knew I'd be able to achieve.  And I did.  I achieved all but one and I'm still working on that last one (going back to school).  

I'm still thinking about my 2009 Goals.  I'll set them soon and let you know what they are. 

~Pam

Cream Sandwich Cookies

When I was a little girl my Grandmother would bake Christmas cookies for weeks before the holiday.  Her freezer would be packed with goodies.  Then on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day we would feats on her delicious creations.

One cookie I remember fondly from my childhood was Cream Sandwich Cookies.  After all the super sweet cookies with frosting and candy and fudge, these Cream Sandwich Cookies were the perfect balance -- not too sweet, just sweet enough.  

Now my Grandmother can't bake like she used to and my Mother helps her prepare some goodies for the grandkids and great-grandkids.  I've been thinking about those Cream Sandwich Cookies for months and I should have mentioned it to my Mom so she could add it to Grandma's baking menu.  But alas, they didn't make it to the list this year.  So I took it upon myself to make a batch for Christmas.  

OMG!  These are even better than I remember from my childhood.  Eating that first cookie freshly made was a orgasmic experience.  I've got them packed up and stored in the fridge -- I love them slighly cool just the way Grandma used to serve them.  (Yes, I'll share a few with Grandma tomorrow!)  

I took pictures when they were freshly made.  Looks yummy, huh?

WARNING -- these are not WLS-Friendly cookies.  And I can't imagine a way to make them healthy.  But one or two as a special treat at Christmas is fine, I'm sure.  

Cream Sandwich Cookies

Dough

1/2 lbs butter - softened

1/3 c. milk

2 c. flour

Filling

1/4 c. butter - softened

3/4 c. confectioners sugar

1 egg yolk

1 t. vanilla

Mix butter, flour and milk to form dough.  Chill.  Roll out dough - about 1/3 at a time - on a floured board until dough is 1/8-inch thick.  Cut size desired (I use the smallest round cutter I have which is about 1.5").  Place on ungreased cookie sheet.  Prick well with fork and bake until lightly brown.  Bake at 325 for 8-10 minutes.

Place filling on 1 cooled cookie and cover with another.  


Enjoy!

Merry Christmas

I just wanted to take a moment and wish you all a very Merry Christmas!  Having readers out there in cyberspace means so much to me and I'm thankful for all of you!

My internet connection is down right now and a serviceman isn't expected to be out until Friday afternoon.  So I'll be away for the next few days, spending time with family, wrapping gifts, eating too much and enjoying the season of Christmas.

Talk to you all soon!

~Pam

Approaching Goal...

Well... it seems that the "increase calories" strategy is working! I have been stuck at 191.8 for weeks and weeks and weeks, but this morning's weigh-in revealed a glorious 189.2. So now if I can just really figure out this whole increasing calories thing and do it on a regular basis to sustain the new daily goal.... the scale just might do a happy dance or something. So, today's weight puts me exactly 18 pounds away from my surgeon's goal (75% EWL) and 20 pounds from my initial goal weight (160-ish). I will most likely re-evaluate my goal once I get to these initial numbers, but for now I'm setting my sights on the short-term. It feels good to be so close.

~Pam

The 365 Project

A few days after surgery I started the Face Project.  I took a picture of my face every day for the first year after surgery just so I could watch the transformation.  I missed some days, but did pretty good overall with remembering to take pictures every day.  And yes... you'll notice I didn't edit myself.  You're getting the good pictures and the bad ones.  And some are really bad... so just close your eyes while those ones are up.

Working Toward Normal

Thank you to those who responded to the last message about what "Normal" means to you.  It's always great to hear from my readers and know that I'm not just talking to blank air out there in cyberspace.  

So for the past several months I've been thinking about normal.  In the past couple weeks it seems to have been on my mind a lot more.  Here are some thoughts...

• When I go to the mall to shop for a new outfit, I want to be able to shop at a normal store and find a variety of outfits to choose from.  Not a plus size shop, not a skinny-minny shop... just a normal old store.   I'm nearly there.
• When I go to a restaurant I want to eat off the menu and have a portion that is normal.  Not a huge, oversized portion that would feed three people ... and not a tiny WLS portion that I ate in the early months post-op ... I want to eat a normal size portion.   I feel like I am there now.  I don't eat everything on my plate, but it's not like it used to be and I was done after 3 bites, now I eat a normal amount of food.
• When I'm in a photo of a group of people, I want to be a normal size.  I don't want to be the fattest person and don't need to be the smallest person either.  But I just want to blend in and look normal.  I'm close... I still have trouble recognizing myself in photos sometimes.
• When I go to the gym I want to fit in with the rest of the athletic people.  I don't want to be the fat chick who's trying too hard and I don't want to be the hot chick who is only there to pick up guys.  LOL!  I just want to feel like I fit in and that I'm normal.  I think I'm actually there ... or pretty close.  I'm still a weakling and need to build some more muscle so I'm working with more than the 5lb free weights, but I feel like I fit in.
• When I think about food I want to feel normal.  For the past year (longer than that if you count all the pre-op dieting) I have been so focused on food.  Meal planning, counting calories, counting protein grams, making sure I get all my water and vitamins... it's nearly an obsession.  I want it all to be second nature.  I don't want to be so focused on food and my daily schedule.  During this time of weight loss there's still going to be some time to deal with all this ... but one day soon I hope to feel normal with my whole daily eating routine.   I'm not there yet, but I can imagine a day when I feel normal.  It's out there... I'll get there eventually.
• When I'm at a holiday celebration or party I want to feel normal.  I'm so glad that I have a high threshold for sugar because if I couldn't even nibble on a cookie or a slice of cake for the rest of my life, I'd go insane.  It's normal to eat a Christmas cookie.  It's normal to eat a slice of birthday cake.  Thankfully sugar and sweets are not trigger foods for me, so I can indulge once in a while and feel completely normal. 

Right now, just 13 months after my surgery, I still feel like a freak of nature.  My world has revolved around this major change in my lifestyle.  I've been focused on goals and eating the right foods and establishing new routines in my world.  One day I'd like to get to a point where WLS is not the main focus of my life.  It'll always be there, but I don't want it to be the first thing I think of in the morning and the last thing on my mind before bed.   Yes, I'll always be conscious of my health and making sure I make healthy choices, but one day I hope it's all in the back of my mind while I focus on the rest of my life.

I'm working toward normal.  In some areas I'm there.  In other areas I have a ways to go.  But overall I'm happy with where I am and proud of all I've accomplished. 

~Pam

Normal

"Being Normal"  It's been on my mind lately.  Still need to figure it out so I can write about it here.  What's your definition of being normal?  I'd like to hear from you and what your thoughts are.

~Pam

More information on WLS hair loss

I have been following Amelia's WLS journey on YouTube. She had surgery within a few weeks of me and she started out at the exact same weight as I did. She's doing awesome and just had plastic surgery to remove excess tummy skin. She recently posted a video with information about hair loss and some recommendations from her dermatologist. The official diagnosis: Telogen Effluvium Hair Loss. Thought I'd share an article I dug up about this condition. It is normal to lose up to about 100 hairs a day on one's comb, brush, in the sink or on the pillow. This is the result of the normal hair growth cycle. Hairs will grow for a few years, then rest for a few months, shed, and regrow. Telogen is the name for the resting stage of the hair growth cycle. A telogen effluvium is when some stress causes hair roots to be pushed prematurely into the resting state. Telogen effluvium can be acute or chronic. If there is some "shock to the system", as many as 70% of the scalp hairs are then shed in large numbers about 2 months after the "shock". This sudden increase in hair loss, usually described as the hair coming out in handfuls, is acute telogen effluvium. This is a different problem than gradual genetic hair thinning. However, this can be seen in the less common chronic telogen effluvium, only after a significant amount of hair has already been lost.A considerable number of different causes for telogen effluvium exist. Among the common causes are high fevers, childbirth, severe infections, severe chronic illness, severe psychological stress, major surgery or illnesses, over or under active thyroid gland, crash diets with inadequate protein, and a variety of medications. Read the rest here. Interesting stuff, huh? ~Pam

Yummy Protein Hot Cocoa

In my last post on meal planning, I threw in a mid-afternoon snack of "Protein Hot Cocoa." Here at the office I thought I had a baggie of chocolate protein powder to make up a mug. But when I went in search of it in my food drawer, I discovered I was lacking in the primary ingredient of protein hot cocoa. But I did have a box of Swiss Miss Diet Hot Cocoa and a small bowl of vanilla protein powder. I also raided the fridge in the breakroom and found someone's flavored coffee creamer. Here's my recipe for today: 1 scoop vanilla protein powder 1 envelope Swiss Miss Diet Hot Cocoa mix 1 splash Vanilla Rum coffee creamer (this wasn't sugar free so I only used a little bit) 1 mug of hot water from the coffee pot I first mixed the protein powder, cocoa mix and creamer in the mug until I had a smooth paste. Then I added some hot water and stirred some more until it was a smooth thick mixture. Filled the rest of the mug up with water and stirred some more. It's yummy. Very creamy and chocolatey. Using vanilla protein powder makes it taste like I mixed the cocoa mix with milk instead of water. I think this could easily become a regular mid-afternoon snack. ~Pam

Meal Planning

Since last week I've been planning my meals each day in order to find a balance of protein, carbs and fat that will get me to my new caloric goal of 1,400/day. It's a lot harder than I thought it would be.

• I already eat 5 times a day -- 3 meals, 2 snacks. I can't seem to fit another full meal or snack into the schedule.
• I'm already at my max quantity of food for each of the 5 meals/snacks, so I can't just "eat more." I'm trying to figure out how to make the foods I eat more calorie dense rather than just eating larger quantities.
• I want to increase my calories and still maintain the balance that I know works for me. 40% protein, 40% carbs, 20% fat.
• I need to avoid the trap of grazing throughout the day to get in extra calories. Eating on a schedule has kept me on track all these months and I don't want to fall into the trap of eating all day long -- which can be the first step in weight regain in the future.
• Besides all the extra calories I'm trying to add, I'm also trying to increase my sodium - per my doctor's orders - to help combat the low blood pressure issues.

So each morning I get onto www.FitDay.com and do some planning. I guess technically I should do this the night before because by the time I sit down to plan my meals, I've already eaten breakfast and I've already packed my lunch and afternoon snack in my lunchbag. So maybe I really am doing meal planning the night before ... or at 6:30 a.m. ... but seeing all my food in my food journal before I actually eat it seems to help me stay on track for the day.


Because I've been using FitDay for a long time I have a very solid list of Custom Foods and Recent Foods on my list. So this meal planning process literally takes about 3 minutes. Today's eating plan is as follows:

• Breakfast #1 -- Baked Steel Cut Oatmeal & Coffee/Latte (coffee is 30 minutes later) 
• Breakfast #2 -- Grapes & Cheesestick 
• Lunch -- Chicken & Veggie Casserole 
• Snack (mid-afternoon) -- Protein Hot Cocoa 
• Snack (drive home) -- South Beach Protein Bar 
• Dinner -- Tortilla Pizza w/ turkey pepperoni, mushrooms, cheese 
• Snack -- 1 Christmas Cookie (got a dozen as a gift from the office intern yesterday)

(That snack of protein hot cocoa is not typical and something I'm adding today to see if I can fit it into my day. I've figured out I can't add a bedtime snack because I eat dinner too late... so I'm experimenting with two mid-day snacks instead. We'll see. )


Calories: 1,298 
Fat: 45g -- 30% 
Carbs: 129g (20g fiber) -- 37% 
Protein: 108g -- 33%


Ok... so this is only 1,300 calories which is still short of my daily goal. But it's closer than I was getting a week ago. My percentage balance is also off today. The cheese puts me over my limit on fat content, but I really like cheese and I'm not on a "low-fat diet" so I'm fine with this. The oatmeal appears to put me over on my carb count - kinda. I try to keep my protein grams and net carb grams equal... so once you subtract the fiber from 129, I'm at 109g carbs and 108g protein - pretty much right on track.


I guess the cool thing about this meal planning stuff is that I can play around with the numbers before I actually eat the food. A normal food journal just records what you put in your mouth after the fact. But with meal planning I feel like I have more control of the outcome for my day. If I decide to have a bowl of soup and a salad for dinner but see that my protein count is going to fall short of my goal for the day... I can change my plan and pick something that is higher in protein and lower in carbs instead.


I don't think I'll stick to the meal planning thing forever. But doing it while you're adjusting your eating plan is a good thing. Once I have a solid plan and know the quantities I need to eat to maintain a 1,400/calories day then I won't need to plan as rigidly. But for now, I find it is helping me a lot.


~Pam

Baked Steel Cut Oatmeal

I found this recipe online somewhere (on the message boards of 3 Fat Chicks) and modified it a bit for my tastes.

I got up early on Saturday morning with a craving for oatmeal and did a quick search online to find this. The batch made 6 servings and I've been having it for breakfast the past few days. It's delicious!

EDITED: For you non-Betty Crocker types.... Steel cut oats is just oatmeal kernals before they are "rolled" and flattened into what we all recognize as regular old oatmeal. They have a nutty flavor and more texture than regular oatmeal and I'm quickly becoming addicted to it! From Wikipedia:

Steel-cut oats are whole grain groats (the inner portion of the oat kernel) which have been cut into only two or three pieces. They are golden in color and resemble small rice pieces. Steel-cut oats are also known as coarse-cut oats, pinhead oats, Scotch oats, or Irish oats. Scotch oats are a less coarse variation. Steel-cut oats have a lower glycemic index than instant oats, with the disadvantage that the prep time is longer; steel cut oats take about 13-14 minutes on the stove top.

I usually pick up the Bob Mills Steel Cut Oats from Kroger or Meijer grocery stores. You can also get them from heath food stores if you have one close by. Or buy some online - Amazon has a great deal on on a 50-pound bag or you can get smaller quantities for pretty cheap too ($1.55/lbs for Oat Groats).

Baked Steel Cut Oatmeal

1 cup steel cut oats
3.5 cups skim milk
1 apple -- peeled & diced
1/2 cup dried cherries (use cranberries or raisins if you prefer)
1 tablespoon cinnamon
2 tablespoons sugar free vanilla syrup (I use DaVinci)
1 teaspoon salt

Heat milk in saucepan on stove while you dice the apple. When milk is hot (not boiling) add all ingredients and heat until mixture just begins to boil. Pour into a baking dish. Cover and bake at 375 for about 30 minutes or until liquid is all absorbed.

I separated the entire batch into individual serving bowls and had enough for 6 WLS-sized servings. For normal-stomached-people, this would be about 4 servings.

~Pam

Cranberry Pineapple Meatballs

I made this recipe based on an old standby I've seen everywhere online and even printed in the coupon booklet from the newspaper. I was afraid the chili sauce would made it too spicy so I added the pineapple to keep it sweet. A perfect dish-to-pass option for holiday parties this month. 

Cranberry Pineapple Meatballs 

1 package frozen fully cooked meatballs 

1 can jellied cranberry sauce 

1 bottle chili sauce 

1 can pineapple chunks (sweetened with Splenda) 

Mix cranberry, chili sauce and pineapple juice together until smooth. Place meatballs and pineapple chunks in crockpot and pour over sauce. Cook on low for a few hours until everything is heated through and the flavors mingle. 

~Pam

Let the Christmas Parties Begin

Today marks the start of my Christmas Party Season. Two today, one on Friday, another on Sunday and they just escalate from there. I've tallied the number of various Christmas parties, celebrations and food-fests I've got on my calendar. There are EIGHT planned between now (today at noon) and New Year's Day.

Gonna work hard to stay on track with eating and still lose weight in the next month. Wish me luck!

~Pam

Thank you Protein Fairy

I don't know who you are or where you came from ... but thank you for leaving a jar of chocolate protein powder on my desk this afternoon. I was only gone for a minute or two and it was a nice surprise to come back to a little gift.

It was like getting a treat from the Protein Fairy!

~Pam

What did you weigh when you were 18?

When meeting with the trainer guy today he asked me what I weighed when I was around 18 to 20 years old. Apparently the size you were at this age is where your body settled into for your bone structure and fat cell count. So that's a weight you should be aiming toward if you were at a healthy size back then. I've heard this before so it wasn't a big surprise. But the problem is... I have no clue what the answer is. Throughout my life I don't remember milestone weights like so many people do. I don't even remember weighing myself all that often when I was growing up or in young adulthood. It just wasn't a focus for me, I guess. So I'm going to try and dig through some old stuff and see if I can find any where that I might have recorded my weight. I know I have a memory book type thing from my senior year in high school, so it might be in there. I have my college paperwork, so I wonder if there was ever a place I needed to write my weight down on anything. I suppose I could see if I can get my medical records from back in those days, but I'm not sure if they are even available anymore. The only weight I clearly remember is when I hit 250 and I kind of freaked out. I don't remember which year, but I know I went on a big-time diet and exercise binge to try and lose some weight. But other than that I don't really remember anything. Do you know what you weighed when you were 18 to 20? Or do you just remember certain weights you were at at different times in your life (graduation, marriage, pregnancy, etc.)? ~Pam

Metabolic Rate Tested

This morning I had my metabolic rate tested. Using the BodyGem system, I was able to learn my Resting Metabolic Rate (RMR) which tells me the amount of calories my body needs to just survive / exist at complete rest. So my RMR is 1450 calories per day. Then using a formula to determine my daily activity level -- working, living, walking around and purposeful exercise -- you can calculate up to what your daily caloric needs are to maintain your current weight or to lose weight. In the past few months I'd gotten away from logging my food intake on www.FitDay.com ... but after last week's appointments with the doctors and nutritionist, I have been tracking my food for the past 5 days or so. I'm barely hitting the 1,100-1,200 calories/day mark right now. Some days are less (yesterday was around 850 calories) and some days are more (in the past my highest day recorded was around 1,500). I need to add about 400 calories/day because right now my body is in "shut-down" mode and thinks its starving. No wonder the scale isn't moving lately! I'm so glad I had the test done. Last week when the Nut said to increase my calories but she seemed to be pulling that number out of thin air, I had major doubts if that was the right thing to do. But with the hard and real numbers that I know are personalized for my own body, I feel more comfortable increasing calories to get the scale moving again. Added to this new information I also have to figure out how to add some more sodium to my diet. FitDay tells you how much you're taking in, so I've gone back and looked as past food logs and I average about 2,000-2,500mg per day. This is right at the normal RDA, but if I need to increase my intake I'm going to have to have a plan and specific foods that are high sodium to add. SO..... need to increase my calories by about 400/day and increase sodium (not sure how much to add, exactly). I already eat 5 times a day, so I either need to adjust what those meals/snacks look like to be more calorie dense, or figure out how to add another meal and/or snack to the day. Guess I'll be spending the next couple days adjusting my eating plan and doing a bit of meal planning. I'll keep you posted. ~Pam

First Weight Training Session

Friday evening I met with a trainer at the gym for my first weight training session.  I worked with Eddie to figure out a training routine that would work for what I wanted to achieve -- which is core strength and muscle toning. 

During the workout it didn't seem so bad.  My arms and legs felt a bit rubbery afterward and I could tell I'd done some work, but it didn't seem like it was all that strenuous or anything.  Until Saturday and Sunday.  

For the past two days I've been SO sore.  The calf lifts will probably kill me with their after-effects.  And who knew my biceps could hurt just by looking at them.  I'm hobbling around like an old woman and yes.... I'm definitely whining. 

I've got another workout scheduled for Monday evening (tomorrow).  I'm not sure I'll be recovered enough by then to even lift a feather, let along real weights.  Maybe a hot bath later will help ease the soreness.  

~Pam

My Story

As I mentioned earlier this week, I was asked to share my story in the employee newsletter. Here's the final article which should be published early next month.

Journey to a Healthier Me 

By Pam Tremble 

On November 13, 2007 I had Rouex-n-Y gastric bypass surgery. This is the story of my journey to health. 

With a diagnosis of Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) which created insulin resistance and a hormonal imbalance, my body simply would not allow me to lose the weight I tried so hard to lose. After years of failed dieting, exercise that made little difference and the advice of my ill-informed doctor to “just try harder,” I was at the end of my rope.

I consulted with a bariatric surgeon and realized I needed medical intervention and that there was a real option for me to get healthy. I made the agonizing decision to undergo gastric bypass surgery. The approval process took about 15 months which gave me plenty of time to be 110% sure it was the right option for me. 

After a quick recovery from surgery the real work began. Imagine suddenly having the stomach of a newborn infant and needing to learn how to drink, chew and swallow food as if you were a baby. Calling it a lesson in humility and experimentation is an understatement. The Rouex-n-Y (RNY) Gastric Bypass Surgery is a complex rearrangement of my digestive system. My stomach was remade into a pouch that can hold about 6-8 ounces of food – compared to a normal stomach that can hold up to 16 cups of food. A portion of my small intestine was bypassed so I no longer absorb all the calories I eat. Of course, this also means that I no longer absorb all the vitamins and minerals contained in food, so I am on a strict regimen of vitamins and supplements. The restriction of a smaller stomach and the malabsorption of a bypassed intestine along with following a strict diet and exercise program is what cause the weight loss after RNY. 

Within 6 weeks after surgery I was off all medications for high blood pressure, asthma and allergies. I was finally able to sleep through the night, my chronic back pain vanished and the symptoms of my PCOS were slowing going away too. 

Three months after my surgery I hesitantly signed up for the 20-week Crim Fitness Foundation Training Program which included completing the 10-mile Crim race in Flint and the 13.1 mile Brooksie Way Half-Marathon race held in October. I signed up with a huge doubt hanging over my head. “How can a morbidly obese person ever hope to finish a half marathon?” But even with the doubts, I just put one foot in front of the other and transformed myself into Walker Girl. I was walking an average of 40 miles every month and slowly the hesitation about my ability to walk a half marathon grew into a confidence that the finish line was squarely within my realm of reality. And yes, I crossed the finish line at Meadow Brook Hall along with members of my training group. We celebrated after the race with steaks at Applebee’s in Rochester.

I’ve recently joined the Powerhouse Gym in Waterford and am starting a new phase of my workouts with weight training and yoga. Walker Girl will be back again in the spring when the snow melts. 

To me this journey has always been about more than just losing weight. Being skinny was never the goal. Being healthy and having the opportunity to live a longer, happier life has been my main focus.

I have set many other “life goals” that have nothing to do with the number on a scale or how many miles I can walk or what size jeans I can fit into. Shortly after my surgery I attended a 10-week class for weight loss surgery patients where we each developed a Comprehensive Holistic Wellness Plan. I set goals that focused not only on my physical health, but also my emotional, spiritual, financial, intellectual and vocational health and the health of my relationships and overall character. Having a written plan for all areas of my life has helped me stay focused on what is really important to me and what I want to achieve. 

A great benefit of having weight loss surgery that I didn’t anticipate is the friendships I have developed along the way. I attend three different support group meetings each month where members of the weight loss surgery community gather to help each other through the struggles and celebrate the triumphs of the journey. In one of the groups the members asked me to be their new leader, so now I’m able to help new surgery patients find their way and encourage the old timers to stay on track. The bonds of friendship are strong in the community and I’m a better person for having these people in my life.

One of the tools that has helped me stay on track and remain accountable is writing. I started this online blog about my weight loss journey on the day I decided to have surgery. Over the last 4.5 years I’ve written about the good days and the bad days, the struggles and the victories, the detailed nutritional research I dig up, advice and guidance for those coming behind me, healthy recipes, my exercise challenges, my life goals and the triumphs I’ve experienced along the way. 

So here I am a year after my surgery, and I’ve lost 110 pounds so far. I still have a little ways to go before I hit my goal weight, but when I look at all the other goals I have achieved I know that I am already a success. If you are interested in learning about weight loss surgery, I would be happy to answer any questions or help in any way I can. If you have had surgery and would like to drop me a note, I’d love to hear your story too.

8 Goals for 2008 - UPDATED

So how did I do with my 2008 New Year's Resolutions?  Pretty darned good, if I do say so myself.  Here's an update on each goal.

1. Continue on my Journey to Health by following my surgeon’s rules, being smart about my food choices, exercising like a crazy woman and focusing on my emotional well being.

Success!  I'm so close to my goal weight and I've achieved so many fantastic goals and milestones along the way.  I'm still on track and doing great.   

2. Follow my Retirement & Emergency Savings Plans (which includes a savings account for a trip to Italy for my 40th birthday!!!)

I won't go into detail on this, but let's just say I am rocking this goal!    

3. Learn to knit

Thank you YouTube!  I learned to knit and quickly became addicted to making felted bags. Lots of fun.   

4. Develop my photographic skills and immerse myself in the hobby of photography

I've definitely played a lot this year. Even bought a new lens and have loved my camera even more since I bought it.  Did two weddings which were pretty big deals for me.  And just this past month I joined a new photography social group which I think will be a lot of fun.  

5. Go to more events – movies, plays, concerts, museums, productions and shows. There are tons of opportunities all around me and I'd like to do more this year!   

This past weekend I hit the local coffeehouse for a little local music and the next day went to a charity concert that featured three different bands.  I've been to a number of plays both big and small and I'm hooked on the independent films shown at the local historic theater.  I've used Google Calendar to keep track of all the possible events going on in the tri-city area so on any given weekend I have 3 or 4 different activities to choose from.  It's fun to be a tourist in your own town!

6. Get your butt back to school   

The new semester starts January 8th and I'll be signing up for a class or two in the coming weeks. Tuition is so expensive!!  sheesh!

7. Purge the clutter. (Storage room cleaning project begins next week!)  

Although I worked on this a lot this year ... I still have a long ways to go.  I've donated so much crap to thrift stores and sold so much stuff at the yard sale this summer -- I'm surprised there's anything left.  But I still want to continue to simplify my life and clear away the stuff I don't need.  This goal will be going back on my 2009 Goal list.   

8. Make new friends, but keep the old. (One is silver and the other gold.... sorry, couldn't resist.)  

The friends I've made in my three different support groups are amazing.  So many wonderful people.  I've also recently joined www.meetup.com and a few local groups.  Yesterday I met my new photog group and tomorrow I'll be joining a women's group for dinner. 

  

Doctors, Labs, Calories, Weight Goal

Lots happened today .... so I have lots to share. 

My some act of God I actually was able to schedule 3 of my annual doctor appointments all in one day.  I'm amazing!  LOL! 

So the least exciting appointment today was the bi-annual dental cleaning.  That was easy and pretty boring.  I'll spare you the details.

I started my day at the surgeon's office and met with the PA and the NUT.  (For those who are acroynm challenged:  Physician's Assistant and Nutritionist.)  The PA was great and very informative.  The NUT advised me to increase my calorie intake and gave me info on my goal weight.  

Later I met with my PCP (primary care physician) and got some valuable information that the PA didn't share.  Also got some advice on my sort ankle and knee which should help resolve those issues.  

Ok... let me back up and tell you about what I've learned today.  

LABS --- My Vitamn D has been low since my 6-week draw and been on a Rx strength dose for nearly a year.  My levels haven't jumped like it should with such a high dose.  The results on my D is still pending.  I'll report in when I hear anything.

Most of my other labs were good.  Here's the exceptions:

B-12 -- My level is at 1915 which is about 1000 over the top of the range.  So my PCP has cut my dose in half for now.  I've been doing 2500mcg every other day ... now I'll be doing that dose just twice a week.

Iron -- I am not on an extra iron supplement since I do not have periods (Depo Provera).  Since surgery my numbers have gradually increased with each draw.  Last draw 6 months ago my number was 91.  Today's number is down to 61.  Still well within the normal range, but I'm concerned about the dramatic drop.  But the PA, NUT and PCP seem to think it's fine.  So I'm still not going to do an iron supplement but I'll be anxious to see what my labs look like in 6 months.

Zinc -- My number is 64.  Normal range is 60-130.  Lately I've noticed a sudden change in my fingernails - they are brittle and cracked.  A few weeks ago I tried to figure out what could cause it and all signs pointed to low zinc.  Ha!  Kind of cool that I figured that one out on my own, huh?  The NUT thinks that number is perfectly fine and I don't need any extra supplement.  Not sure I agree with her and I forgot to ask my PCP about it.  I'll do a bit of research and put in a call to my PCP to see what I'm going to do.  

PTH -- Parathyroid and Vitamin D results give a good picture of how well you absorb the calcium your take.  I've been on Depo Provera for 4 years and it has been shown to leach calcium from bone.  Add RNY to the mix and the liklihood of bone density loss is high.  So when my PTH came back perfect I was thrilled.  Good news here!

DIZZYNESS -- For the past few months I've been dizzy when I stand up suddenly after being seated for a while or when I first get out of bed.  Seems to be worst in the mornings.  PCP and PA both believe it is low blood pressure with some minor dehydration.  

So here's the fix:  Drink more water. Eat more salt. Get up slowly and carefully. Make sure my breakfast is high in sodium and that I get lots of water first thing in the morning.  

PCP suggested canned soup for breakfast - combo of salty food and liquid.  Umm... doesn't sound delicious, but I understand his point.  I know I don't eat enough first thing in the morning and like I mentioned a week or so ago, I need to adjust my eating plan to fix this.  

CALORIES & SLOW WEIGHT LOSS -- Since mid-August I've lost a mere 8 pounds.  It feels like the wieght loss has stopped and it's so frustrating.  I should have been posting about this in the past few weeks, I'm sorry I haven't shared these thoughts with you.  So the NUT said it's normal.  The closer I get to goal, the slower the weight will come off.  

We also talked about how many calories I should be eating each day.  After discussing what I'm currently doing, how much exercise I'm doing and how I'm feeling on what I'm eating now ... she says I'm not eating enough.  Right now I'm averaging 1,100-1,200 calories/day.  She wants me up to 1,500-1,800 calories/day.  Yikes!  It's always scary to think about adding calories when all our lives we have been brainwashed to think we couldn't eat anything.  So I'll add calories slowly.  Maybe 100 calories extra per day for a couple weeks to see what happens, then another 100/day a few weeks later.  I'll let you know how it goes.

GOAL WEIGHT -- My own personal goal weight has always been "160-ish" with the understanding that as soon as I hit 169 I'll be at my own goal.  Back around the 3-month mark my NUT told me the surgeon's goal weight for me was 135.  Turns out that wasn't true.  135 is the "ideal weight" for my body and if I reach 135 I would have lost 100% of my excess body weight (EBW).  

However, their goal weight for me is based on losing 75% of my EBW which is 171 pounds.  So pretty much right in line with my own personal goal weight.  I'm actually pretty relieved to know that's what they expect.  Right now I'm sitting at 63% lose of EBW with just 20 pounds to go to hit their goal.  

As I've always said .... once I hit that initial goal weight (160-ish) then I'll reevaluate my goal and determine if I'm happy there or feel like I should lose more.  I won't know the answer to that question until I get there.  So my original goal still stands.  169 here I come!

Ok, I think I've rambled on for long enough.  Some of these things will get longer posts as I progress and make decisions.  But if you've made it this far with a long boring post... WOW!  You're a tropper!

~Pam

I've been asked to tell my story

I've been asked to tell my story in an article to be published in the employee newsletter where I work. One of my bosses is the editor of the newsletter and I handle the production end of the publication. So my weight loss journey and half-marathon training has been front and center in our office for the past year. My boss says I'm an inspiration and that my story should be shared. My response: "Yikes!" People tell me that I inspired them (Kristy, for one) and I'm always amazed at statements like that. I'm just a regular old person who is trying to make changes to be healthier and happier. There are thousands of people out there who have walked in my shoes and had weight loss surgery and been able to acheive the goals they set for themselves. But apparently I don't know what I'm talking about (LOL!) and now I'm faced with the challenge of condensing my long journey - one that isn't done yet - into a 500-word article to share with a bunch of people who might not even fully understand what gastric bypass is all about. That's where the "Yikes!" comes into play. What do I write? Where do I start? How much do I share? What do I skim over and what do I give detail about? Do I need to give a medical lesson about what RNY is? How can I convey how much education on nutrition and biology and maco- and micronutrients I've had to learn over the past couple years? Do I just toot my own horn and not be shy? How do I get across the message of how hard this journey really is for those people who think WLS is the easy way out? Do I focus on the weight loss or do I focus on the overall health aspects of my journey? I've tried to write this a dozen times but I end up just staring at a blank screen and the words won't come. My deadline was actually today, but we've extended it until Thursday morning. I'm nervous and a bit intimidated by the whole process. Wish me luck! ~Pam

A Week of Doctor Appointments

Because I was in Florida a couple weeks ago I had to reschedule all my annual doctor appointments and this is the week when everything happens. I've got my annual pap, 1 year surgical follow up with both surgeon and PCP and a dentist appointment. Busy week! This morning I met with my gynocologist and he was thrilled with my progress. All outward symptoms of my PCOS have disappear along with the extra pounds and he's certain that my "innards" are recovering too. I believe the insulin resistance has gone away or is under control to the point wher eit no longer interfers with how my body processes food. So that is all good news. We discussed my being on Depo Provera. I've been taking the birth control shot for about four years now and was originally put on it to help control the progression of my endometriosis. A happy side effect is that I no longer get periods, so I'm loving that part of it. But.... There is a proven link between long term use of Depo Provera and loss of bone density, so I expressed my concern about this to him. Before my morning appointment I stopped at my PCP's office to pick up the results from my blood draw a couple weeks ago. So I had my results in hand when I spoke to my Gyn about bone loss. My Vitamin D has been low for a year but is slowly climbing (still waiting on results from this draw and should get that in a day or two). My PTH was also checked and if you have low D and high PTH, it's usually an indicator of your body leaching calcium from bones. But my PTH was perfect -- on the low end of the normal scale -- so I'm resting much easier with the bone density question. He was happy to hear that those levels were tested and that everything looks alright. My doc today wanted to take me off the Depo Provera to see how my body would react and if I'd go back to regular menstral cycle again. But I didn't want to go off the meds and asked that we give it at least another year. He agreed, but wanted to make sure that I increased my calcium intake. Normal recommendations for RNY patients is 1500mg of calcium citrate per day (in addition to food intake), but because of the Depo Provera, I'm already taking 2000mg per day (which he told me to do at last year's appointment). Doctor was happy with that and told me to continue with that regimen. When I get the rest of the results from my lab work I'll post an update (still waiting for Vitamin D, B1, A and Zinc results). I'm most anxious about the Vitamin D story. If things haven't dramatically increased with this round I'll be talking to the doctor about switching formulations of D -- going to a dry vitamin instead of the oil based one. Wednesday is the next big day of doctor appointments. I'll let you know how my annual check up for WLS goes. ~Pam