Busy Week

This week at work is very busy. And it's spilling over into my after-work time too. I am coordinating the Health and Wellness Expo for the upcoming half marathon this weekend. I have a couple helpers, but essentially all the detail work and logistics is handled by ... your's truly. We're expecting about 10,000 racers and their family members as well as the general public to come through the expo on Friday and Saturday. I have 55 vendors exhibiting their merchandise and services. We've been working on this for the past year. It's a pretty huge deal. And this is crunch week when it all comes together.

Today is only Tuesday and I'm already exhausted.

In addition to all the stuff I have to do for the Expo, there's also all the other daily stuff that needs to get done at the office too. Which hit me hard today. I'm facing a major non-expo-related project that needs to be done tomorrow (got it late this afternoon) and it's one of those types of things that should probably take three days to do. Plus one of my bosses is retiring and this is his last week, so there are a ton of last minute issues he needs help dealing with. Not to mention a special project I was asked to complete "tonight" at home and have ready for tomorrow (just finished it at 10:30).

And let's not even mention that my fall classes started this week, so there's all the stuff that goes along with starting a new semester at college.

With the crazy schedule this week I am already struggling with staying on track with vitamins and water. Eating was bad yesterday since I was on-site and not near my normal food stuff. I got home around 10:30 p.m. yesterday and realized I hadn't taken a single vitamin or calcium all day. Eating today was better since I packed everything before I left the house this morning and I did better with vitamins too. I'm fully aware that I'm overwhelmed, over stressed and not taking care of myself like I should. It's like a fleeting thought that passes through my brain saying "you missed your 11am vitamins" - but I'm not in a place where I can rectify the error and by the time I remember again, it's 3pm already.

My goal is to get through the coming days without blowing up at anyone. Feeling like I'm on edge and ready to bite someone's head off is not a good feeling to have. I'm going to release the guilt that is crowding my emotions already -- if I screw up this week with vitamins and food, so be it. It's not the end of the world and I know I'll be back on track next week. I'll just do the best I can, when I can.

So if I'm not around much this week, you'll know I'm buried in a pile of work. I'm looking forward to Sunday when I can sleep late and not get out of my jammies all day.

~Pam

Nikki's Egg Rosettes Recipe

My lovely friend Nikki at Bariatric Foodie is brilliant in the kitchen. She's creative and invents some amazing recipes that are always delicious. Her Egg Rosette recipe is no exception. Ok... so keep in mind the about the only food my pouch does not agree with is eggs. Which is why I've put off trying this recipe - but it was intriguing and I wanted to give it a shot anyway. Amazingly, my pouch loved these little egg quiche creations... and so did my taste buds. Here's Nikki's video demonstration and basic recipe. Egg Rosettes The point of the recipe is to customize it for your own tastes and preferences. This is what went into mine: 3 whole eggs (sorry Nik, didn't feel like screwing around with separating whites) 1 oz cream cheese 1 oz shredded Sargento Artisan Italian Blend (mozz, asiago, provolone?) salt & pepper ham Sautéed veggies: broccoli (chopped tiny) green onion frozen spinach diced celery (wish I'd had some mushrooms, but didn't) Sauté all the veggies and set aside to cool. I was lazy, so I threw the eggs and cream cheese in the blender to mix. Added a splash of water for fluffiness factor. Transfer this mixture to a bowl and add in shredded cheese, veggies, salt and pepper. Spray a muffin tin with cooking spray, then arrange the thin-sliced deli ham into the cups (I used 6 muffin cups with the above mix.) Then fill the ham cups with the egg mixture and bake. (350 for 15-20 minutes or until eggs are firm.) I think I over-filled my ham cups and the batch only made 6 rosettes (instead of the 8 that Nik's made). I ate 2 for dinner and it was plenty for my mature pouch. So newbies might only be able to eat half of one of these bigger ones. I imagine these would be great if you make them in a mini muffin tin and do them as appetizers.

What's that you ask? Food porn? You want to see a picture of these marvelous creations, huh? Ok... here you go.

Emotional Journaling

I haven't written in - or even cracked the spine of - my Emotional Journal in many months. Back when I was early post-op and I took the 10 week group therapy classes about the Comprehensive Wellness Plan, Dr. Williams had us begin an Emotional Journal.

Basically, it was a dedicated spot to write about our feelings, emotions and mental ramblings and how they were affecting our behavior. Last week when Dr. Williams lead our support group meeting and I wrote the post here about emotions possibly contributing the weight loss plateaus.... I was reminded that it'd been too long since I'd pulled out the journal. So I dug it up and read some of my past entries. 

Over the weekend I started writing again. As I was on the beach at Lake Michigan enjoying the sunshine and the sand on our unseasonably warm weekend.... I wrote. And wrote and wrote. It was refreshing to get so much of it out of my head and down on paper. I won't go into the details of what I wrote because those are my private thoughts that I'm not ready to share with anyone. 

But I have recommitted to using the journal more often, writing regularly, not just when my head is too full to contain the thoughts any longer. I think of an Emotional Journal differently than a normal journal. In a normal journal you'd write about your day or interactions with other people or goals or whatever comes to mind. But an Emotional Journal is entirely about the emotions and feelings and mental stuff -- putting your deepest thoughts, fears, worries and ponderings into words for nobody to see or read but yourself. I know of some people who write and then immediately destroy the page so nobody can see them. Which is fine. It's the simple act of putting into words the emotions that are milling around in our heads. Giving meaning and credence to those emotions rather than just letting them bounce around in our minds with no outlet.

By putting them down on paper, they become real and begin to have a purpose - they become a motivation for change and understanding. If you haven't started an Emotional Journal, I encourage you to do it. It's hard. It's draining. But it nourishes the soul and gives you a way to understand yourself better. It helps me to understand myself better. And in that understanding, giving me a way to make the changes and improvements I want to see in myself.

~Pam

Whew!

Whew! My summer courses are done! Just turned in my final assignment which took WAY longer than I anticipated it was going to take -- and much more brain power than I initially devoted to it. But I'm glad it's over. Now I have a week and a half of freedom before the Fall classes start. ~Pam

Vitamin Schedule Confession

Confession Time. I've been lax on my vitamins lately. I hate that I am. I hate that I have to confess it out loud in order for me to figure out how to fix it. I hate that I screw things up sometimes. Why? Why am I doing this? My brain knows how important it is, but it seems like I just don't care as much. Is it the struggle I'm facing with the scale (and it's lack of movement)? Is it the knee and ankle injury that I'm nursing and won't go away which is hindering my exercise enjoyment? Is it some emotional block that's screwing with my routine? I don't know but it is pissing me off. In reality, I have been taking my vitamins. But I've been missing doses too often for my comfort level. It's not like I have just stopped taking them completely - no, not at all. But this morning when I pulled the pillbox out of my purse to refill with today's morning vitamins, I realized that yesterday's morning vitamins were still in there and I didn't even remember that I had missed them. It was a bit of a wake up call for me this morning. All my calcium was gone, so I did good with calcium yesterday apparently. But it is too common that I don't get in all five doses of my calcium. I need to take 2000mg calcium each day and I've chosen to use the Bariatric Advantage Lozenges which are only 400mg per dose. So I need 5 per day. But if I switch to Citrical instead, that's 600mg per dose and I'd only need 3 to 4 doses. A couple nights ago I fell asleep on the couch around 11:00 and woke up around 2am - got up and went to bed. Neglecting the stop in the kitchen for my bedtime vitamins. Nope, it's not that I didn't remember that I needed to take them ... it's that I decided not to. Thought about it, rejected it and just went to bed. Idiot! Little incidents like this finally hit me today as being a BIG deal that I need to face head-on. Confession is good for the soul, right? But fixing it is not really a matter of "Just do it" because obviously that's not working. For several months I've used the text-message-alarm system offered by www.MyMedSchedule.com and it's worked fine. Unfortunately, I seem to be ignoring those little text messages lately. They have simply become part of the background noise of my day rather than a true alarm system that spurs me to action. So here's the plan:

• Turned off the alarm messages from My Med Schedule
• Switch to Citrical calcium pills more often so I require fewer doses throughout the day
• Go back to taking vitamin doses with meals/snacks rather than "every-2-hours"
• When I catch myself "deciding" not to take a vitamin dose, I'll be kicking my own butt

~Pam

A Plateau Caused by Emotions?

At last night's support meeting, Dr. Willims lead the group in a discussion about the emotions that go along with WLS. A few things struck me and I wanted to talk about them here -- mostly for myself so I can see my thoughts written down, but also for you in case it might help someone else too.

Dr. Williams is the psychologist who led the "Finishing School" group therapy classes that I took about 18 months ago. (And he's getting ready to start a new round of classes.) Typically this therapy session is geared toward patients who are about a year post-op and working to lose the final pounds, or break a plateau or just finish up the journey they started. The classes dealt a lot with learning techniques to help us learn to handle emotions head on instead of using food as a coping mechanism. When you hear ME talk about the classes though, I talk mostly about the "Comprehensive Holistic Wellness Plan" that we developed. A whole life plan of all the goals we want to achieve and how to make them happen based on a written plan that we worked out ourselves. I'm so glad I took that course early one - that Wellness Plan has helped me shape my WLS journey into what I wanted it to be.

But now I'm thinking I need to go back and re-learn all those coping mechanisms that were taught. I mentioned at the meeting last night that felt like I needed to take the original class all over again now that I was further out. But he suggested that I already know those techniques he has taught, but if I were to take his "second session" (the graduate program for Finishing School?) that the techniques I learned would just be built upon more. So I'm considering it.

The thing that struck me was when he was talking about why we plateau when we hit the one year and beyond mark. He mentions that there are three main aspects of our success in conquering obesity through WLS. It's like the three points of a triangle.

1. Behavior
2. Cognition
3. Emotion

Behavior -- our WLS forced us to learn the behavior of eating smaller portions and doing the right things for our body like exercise and taking care of ourselves.

Cognition -- this is knowledge and we have learned this aspect through education about nutrition and a "knowing" of what the right things to eat are and how much to exercise. We know what the right thing to do is.

Emotion -- this is the hardest one to conquer, he says. This is getting to the root of why we became obese in the first place. Why we turn to food for comfort or coping. Why we don't make the right choices even when we know what they are. Why we don't behave in a manner that we know helps us succeed. We must be in tune with our emotions enough to live with them, understand them and accept them - without trying to hide them with food.

He's been working with bariatric patients for years. He's a neuro-psychologist, so he's got a good handle on the brain. And he said last night that when people get those three points of the triangle in tune and deal with that last aspect of emotion - that most times their plateau breaks and they are able to lose those last pounds.

For me, my WLS buddy Mike is a testament to this. In the past 18 months he's gotten his head on straight and his weight finally started dropping - dramatically dropping -- and he's now at his goal weight. All because he dealt with his head. Another gal, Lynn - is seeing the same results.

So today I've been wondering if my emotions are really as "in control" as I thought they were. Maybe not. I don't always make good choices even when I know what those right choices should be. Like "deciding" not to take my vitamins before bed (like last night). Why the hell do I do that? Or like buying junk food at the grocery store. What am I thinking? Or knowing I need another 20oz of water today, but not bothering to get my lazy butt up and get something to drink. Am I sabatoging myself because my emotions are blocking me? I don't know. But there's enough bad behavior lately to make me worry about what is going on with me.

So I'll call and get on Dr. Williams class list. But in the meantime I'm going to pull out my notes from the original classes and review what I once learned. We'll see what I discover, I guess.

~Pam

Caramel Apple Protein Cider

Over the weekend there was a discussion on the OH forums about other types of protein drinks like my Protein Chai Tea. Basically, mixing all the dry ingredients for the drink together in one big batch and have it available to make an individual drink when you're ready.

Here's the original discussion. One of the ideas I threw out was a apple cider type mix. So then Lisa said she Googled the idea and found a recipe. I tried it immediately. And it was fairly delicious. (Thanks Lisa!) But it needed some tweaks for my personal taste. So here's the result:

Caramel Apple Protein Cider

• 2 cups non-fat powdered milk
• 1 1/2 cups vanilla protein powder (equal to 6 scoops)
• 1/2 cup Splenda
• 6 pkts sugar free Apple Cider mix
• 1/2 box sugar free butterscotch dry pudding mix (equal to approx 3 tablespoons)
• 1 tablespoon cinnamon
• 1 tablespoon nutmeg

Combine all ingredients together and mix well and store in an airtight container. When you're ready to make a mug of cider, here's how:

Add 1/2 cup of mixture to mug. Add a splash of cold water and mix well until you have a smooth paste with no lumps. Slowly add hot water and continue mixing to eliminate any lumps. I have large mugs so I used about 10-12oz of water per batch. If you have smaller mugs, then reduce the amount of dry mix.

If you want to mix your drink the "automated" way (like I do), here's how. Add 1/2c mixture to a blender jar and add the splash of cold water. Turn on the blender on low and let it mix and then slowly add hot water from the tea kettle while the blender is still whirling. Pour into a mug and enjoy.

Makes 8 servings:

Calories: 161

Fat: 1.5g

Carbs: 15g

Protein: 25g

Whole batch stats:

Calories - 1289

Fat - 12g

Carbs - 119g

Protein - 204g

Whatcha Reading?

I love to read. In fact, I'm reading three different books right now. I usually have a primary fiction novel I'm working my way through, plus a non-fiction/educational book and usually some type of "tid-bit" book -- where I could read one page at a time and get something good out of it. Here's what's on my nightstand right now:

• Memory Keeper's Daughter - by Kim Edwards
• Randy Jackson Body and Soul - story about Randy Jackson's WLS journey
• Living with Soul -- it's a meditation book for different areas of your life

What is on your current reading list?

~Pam

2:00 a.m.

I woke up at 2:00 a.m. this morning with low blood sugar. It was a 58 reading. Which is the lowest I've had recorded since I got my glucose monitor. I ate some grapes and cheese and a bit of trailmix - within 15 minutes a retest of my blood showed a normal reading. But then I was afraid to go back to sleep after I ate. I laid in bed and read for an hour. Finally around 3:15 a.m. I turned the lights out and fitfully slept till my alarm went off at 6:00. So what'd I do to cause it? Well... last night I "forgot" to eat dinner. Sorta. I got home around 8:30 p.m. and spent an hour cleaning the kitchen, prepping lunches and putzing around. I roasted some sweet potatoes for dinner and had planned to put some chicken with them. I had chicken on to boil for chicken salad and figured I'd steal some of that for dinner when it was done. Well, I ate the sweet potatoes while I was cleaning the kitchen and forgot to have the chicken later. As I was getting ready for bed around 11:30 I realize I'd eaten too many carbs, too late in the evening. So I had a slice of deli turkey (about 2 oz.) just before bed. Protein usually sustains my blood sugar and I knew I didn't want to wake up with a hypoglycemia episode in the middle of the night. I really did think that thought. "Eat some protein so your sugar doesn't drop." Gee - a lot of good that did, huh? So apparently protein alone doesn't do the trick of sustaining my blood glucose levels. I probably should have added some fats and complex carbs to that bedtime snack. Turkey, cheese and a few whole grain crackers, maybe? I haven't had a low sugar issue in a long time and I thought I was doing pretty good with figuring out how to make this whole thing work. So it was pretty surprising that I had the issue last night. This stuff scares me! ~Pam

OMG!

I feel anxious. My tummy is churning and I feel exposed or naked today - like I forgot to wear pants or something. If home weren't 90 minutes away, I'd go back... I don't know what to do. It's the strangest feeling and I'm not sure I'll be able to suvive the day. I forgot my cell phone today. OMG!

A Day in the Life of Pam

I get a LOT of questions about what I eat in a day, or what I do in a typical day, or what vitamins I take or blah, blah, blah... My life is really kind of boring, so it always amazes me when people want to know the minute details of my day. But I'm taking the plunge today and I'm going to document my day - in words and pictures. I'll update this post throughout the day as I do some new profound thing - ya know, like eat lunch or something. LOL!

BTW -- click on the pictures for a larger version. I'm writing little descriptions on them to explain what they are.

• 6:15 a.m. --- alarm goes off and I hit snooze several times until I finally crawl out of bed around 6:35 a.m. Grab a quick shower, throw on clothes, pack my lunch...
• 6:55 a.m. --- stepped on the scale for weekly weigh-in (oops! forgot to do it yesterday). The dang scale reads 190.4. Right now things are fluctuating between 185 and 190. I did have a pretty carby weekend, so I know that 190.4 number is partially water weight to deal with all that carb processing. The number doesn't upset me much - I know it'll be 185 on another day. Still holding out hope it'll eventually drop below 185 one of these days - but the heavens need to open up and angels need to sing first, I guess.
• 7:15 a.m. --- heading out the door with a Protein Hot Chai Tea in my hand. Mixed using 1.5 servings of the recipe for 20oz of protein deliciousness and included in the mix... is UpCalD (calcium) and Metamucil FiberSure fiber supplement.
• 8:25 a.m. --- stop at Top Dog (local convenience store) and grab a "Fake Latte" which is about 4oz of Vanilla Steamer and 16oz of Vanilla Creme` flavored coffee. It's my morning $1.25 caffeine fix - love these things!
• 8:30 a.m. --- arrive at work, top off my coffee with another couple ounces and get to work dealing with email and voicemail.
• 
• 8:45 a.m. - 1:00 p.m. --- I've got a couple tapes of transcription leftover from yesterday waiting for my attention. I'll sip my coffee and get to work. The morning will be filled with more transcription, many edits to what I'm about to type and fitting in time to work on the big Expo I'm organizing (only 22 days till D-Day!).
• 9:00 a.m. --- take dose of Bariatric Advantage Calcium Wild Cherry Lozenges.
• 
• 10:00 a.m. --- My Palm Pre reminds me that I need to eat. I often forget breakfast because I'm usually already engrossed in work or whatever... so I need this alarm to remind me it's time.
• 
• 10:15 a.m. --- I finally get around to eating breakfast. Today it's Carbmaster Yogurt and 1/2c blueberries.
• 
• 11:00 a.m. --- Morning Vitamins - Centrum Adult Chewable Multi-Vitamin, Vitamin B-50, 500mg Magnesium, Colace, Vitamin A, Vitamin D-50k (once per week), Probiotics tablet. (NOTE: Just because this is what I take, does not mean that's what you should take. My vitamin regemine has been tweaked based on my lab results and consultation with my medical team. I'm posting this list here for informational purposes only.)
• 11:05 a.m. --- Oops! Just realized that I don't have anything to drink yet this morning, so gotta go fill my water bottle with Crystal Light so I can take my morning vitamins. Dang! I seriously just choked on my vitamins today. I usually can just throw back the whole handful and take a drink and it's done. But once in a while things don't go down right and I end up with problems. Today the handful just didn't want to go down in one fell swoop... had to empty the mouth of half-dissolved pills, and take them one at a time. Gross! I hate when that happens.
• 1:00 p.m. --- been typing a bunch this morning and working like a good girl. Played a bit on ObesityHelp forums, when I had a minute or two. Now it's time for lunch - White Chicken Chili and 3/4 of a serving of Pretzel Crisps (I need a crunch after a soft meal, it's a mental thing, I know, but if I resist I end up grazing on crap). And another dose of Calcium after I finish eating - the Wild Cherry Lozenges double as dessert. While I'm eating I am also working on school work - I have an assignment due by midnight tonight for my online Advertising class - and I'd rather finish it now than to tie up my free time later at home.
• 
• 1:00 p.m. -- listening to some music while I eat and do school stuff. I love Pandora Radio and right now I've got my Jason Mraz station playing (loving his songs "Curbside Prophet" and "I'm Yours" right now).
• 1:30 p.m. --- Got a call from my mom. The doctors figured out what was causing the mysterious pain my grandmother was having. Not a pulled groin afterall - but a fractured hip. Grandma sees the orthopedic surgeon on the 22nd to figure out what they'll do - either do some fusion or cement filling of the bones or maybe hip replacement. She's in pain but now has some good drugs. Keep her in your prayers as she endures he next two weeks before she can see a specialist.
• 
• 2:41 p.m. -- I heard there were leftover goodies in the breakroom. I cruised by hoping for something naughty. It was too picked over and no cookies left. I ate a soggy half of a strawberry that tasted like melon (yuck!) - oh well. No temptations to resist even though I was hoping for a cookie.
• 3:10 p.m. -- Just took another dose of calcium. (Seriously, aren't you bored with this minute-by-minute account of my dull day?) Also taking a moment to check up on my Palm Pre blog updates and checking the App Catalog to see if there's any new programs to play with on my phone. Nope, nothing new yet.
• 4:30 p.m. -- another Palm Pre alarm reminding me about my 4:30 snack. Today, as usual, it's 1/2 cup of grapes and two Sargento Light Mozz cheesesticks. Because of my schedule there's a very large gap between lunch at 1:00 and dinner around 7:30, so I've come to depend on this late afternoon snack to keep me saited until I can get home and have some dinner.
• 5:00 p.m. -- Ok, so it's really only 4:40 right now, but I'm posting this one ahead of time. I'll take my final daily dose of calcium at 5pm as I'm packing up to leave the office and head for home. I used to take a bottle of water with me for the drive home, but I've stopped doing that since my 4:30 snack just washes away while I drive. So instead I'll have a full 20oz glass of Crystal Light when I get home as I'm preparing dinner.
• 4:52 p.m. -- I was just fiddling around with my FitDay log to try and plan dinner. I should have caught this much earlier today, but I just realized it. I am going to be WAY low on calories today. I'm tentatively planning a turkey mignon and oven roasted carrots for dinner - which is a great choice, but it will also only put me at 1060 calories. Which means to hit my daily target of around 1500-1600 I'd need to find another 500 calories to eat between 8pm and bedtime around 11pm. Ok, I CAN do that pretty easily if I want to throw junk at my day, but it's much harder when I'm shooting for healthy. Well... at least I know I've got a 90 minute drive home to think about it and figure out a plan. But since I'm doing the Day in the Life thing here, figured I'd let you have a glimpse of my thought process at the moment.
• 6:31 p.m. -- Ok, just got home and I'm about to head out again. I changed my clothes (capri cargo pants and black long sleeved t-shirt - I feel like I work for Ranger in Janet Evonovich's books). On the drive home I decided to head out on a scouting mission. I'm taking my nephew's senior pictures this weekend and need to find some cool locations for good shots. Also want to hit the library (it's open til 8 - I checked while I was driving) to look at the yearbooks from his school for the past couple years and see if there's some trends in pics I need to be aware of. So I'm grabbing a Chocolite Protein Bar and a bottle of water and will be back in a bit.
• 6:45 p.m. -- heading out of town and passed this little house that has a veggie stand in their front yard - overflow from their garden. It was mostly tomatoes and peppers (which I didn't need) but found the cutest little acorn squash. Dropped my money in the box and I was on my way.
• 
• 8:30 p.m. -- just walked in the door - that took longer than I wanted it to. I am starving! I ate a mini Payday candy bar (leftover from the last long race) and 4 mini Quaker rice cakes. Turkey Mignon is on the George Foreman and should be ready soon. The photo scouting trip went well, I think. The library was a bust, latest yearbooks were from the 80's, but I got a couple books and audiobooks, so all was not lost. There's this really cool building down by the river that I love - it's abandoned and needs to be demolished - but the texture is amazing and the sunset shining through the broken windows is beautiful - I scouted for a way to get inside the fence, but it was locked up tight. Found a few other interesting location possibilities. I'm suppose to meet my nephew tomorrow for some "official scouting."
• 
• 
• 
• 8:50 p.m. -- dinner time! It is a little late, but not really all that unusual for me. If I have a meeting or a workout after I leave the office, this is a typical dinnertime for me. Tonight it's Turkey Mignon (found 'em at Aldi's but it also looks like you can get them at Sam's Club) - these things taste like little turkey steak and I even eat them with A-1 sauce. At 31g protein, you can't beat it! I'm also having some leftover veggies from the pot roast I made over the weekend. It's carrots, mushrooms and onions that cooked all day in the beef drippings and diet coke mixture that I cooked the roast in. Super delicious. Plus I'll add a small side of the black bean and lentil salad I made for yesterday's support meeting (recipe coming tomorrow).
• 
• 9:30 p.m. --- Ok, time for some schoolwork. My plan to get that assignment done at lunch didn't work out too well. The assignment required more reading and concentration that I was willing to give it earlier - so it gets done now instead.
• 10:40 p.m. --- This will be the last update of the day. I'm fading fast and my eyes are sleepy. But I've got a mountain of laundry piled on my bed that needs attention before I can crawl in for the night. I'll take my bedtime vitamins (Centrum Multi-vitamin, colace, B-50, zinc) and try to get another 16oz of liquid in before bed.
• 11:30 p.m. --- Ok, after I signed off here last night I ended up putzing around online and doing stuff around the house for another hour. The laundry piled on the bed never got dealt with - just moved the pile back to the chair for another day's task. Then I crawled into bed around 11:30 and read for a half hour. I'm in the midst of a pretty good book - The Memory Keeper's Daughter by Kim Edwards - it's pretty good so far and I'm anxious to see what happens in the end. Finally turned the light off just after midnight.

I'll update my total GoWear Fit tally tomorrow after I get the final reading. Calories are low today - I haven't been tracking my food in the past month or so but todays eats were pretty typical for what I've been doing lately. So it makes me wonder if that's the root problem with the scale -- my target calorie deficit of 500/day isn't being hit like I thought it was. I'll need to continue to track food for another few days until I get back up where I need to be (1500-1600 calories/day is my goal based on my current activity level).

You'll notice today that I didn't have any formal exercise. That was on purpose. I am officially "off workouts" for right now. My knee is bothering me so badly that even walking in and out of my house (the porch stairs) is a killer. That stupid staircase at the library today almost had me ... I should have known better and just taken the elevator. So instead of formal workouts right now, I'm trying to be more active in my life overall. I'm just laying low for now ... but I'll be back eventually.

PICTURES -- there are more! I didn't post all the photos I took today. If you want to see the rest, here they are.

Calorie Tally So Far...final tally

Calories: 1355 Fat: 34g (22%) Carbs: 137g (37%) Fiber: 28g Protein: 143g (41%)

Calorie Burn Tally (from GoWearFit) So Far:

10:00 a.m. -- 848 11:00 a.m. -- 945 1:00 p.m. -- 1133 2:42 p.m. -- 1261 3:13 p.m. -- 1306 4:40 p.m. -- 1431 8:58 p.m. -- 1977 11:59 p.m. - 2217

Caloires burned: 2217 Steps taken: 6580 Moderate Activity: 58 minutes

~Pam

Being Grateful for Today

Over the weekend I was catching up on blog reading and came across Lea's latest post. She called it Confession is Cleansing -- but her confession about night time eating and not being faithful with her supplement isn't what caught my attention. What hit me straight between the eyes was her first paragraph.

Starting weight for me was 410 pounds in 2006. These days, I range from 202 to 208 MOST days. That is a 200+ loss. My all-time low was 197. I know I will never see my goal of 185 without removal of LOTS of excess skin/tissue. But, I have also gone from a 36W or a 4X or 5X to a 14/16. I can also wear mediums in some stuff and larges in others. That is HUGE--being able to shop locally for all types of clothing!

Look at those amazing stats! She's maintained a 200+ pound loss. I don't know if this was her intention with her post, but when I read it here's the message that I received. "Maybe I didn't get to my ultimate goal weight, but I've still maintained this huge weight loss and I am rejoicing in the fact that I've accomplished so much in my life."

My story. I've gone from a size 28W pants to a size 16. I've gone from wearing 3x or 4x shirts to a large. As of today, I've lost 110 pounds and I've maintained my weight loss for 10 months without gaining. How can I not be proud of that?

So often we focus so intently on which goals have not yet been met. How much farther we have to go. How many more pounds we need to lose. How many pants sizes we still need to shed. BUT.... why do we forget about today. TODAY. Where am I at today and what amazing things have I don't that brings me to the outstanding success that puts me in this exact spot in my life TODAY.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. ~ Matthew 6:34

So I'm going to try very hard to remember how far I've come. Be grateful for what I've accomplished. And try not to worry so much about tomorrow, or what the scale says, or what size pants my butt fits into or which goals I still have to achieve. Today I'm going to be grateful for today. ~Pam

Happy Holiday

It's the last official weekend of summer and I'm sad. Summer is my favorite season and this year was pretty pathetic weather-wise. Here in Michigan it's been the coldest and wettest summer on record. BUT.... this weekend is shaping up to be beautiful, sunny and warm.

My plans for the holiday weekend are a balance of simple, productive and relaxing.

I'll spend today, Saturday, here at home getting a list of chores done and working on school work. Maybe this evening, if I ever finish this to-do list, I'll hit the movies or coffeehouse or something.

Tomorrow and Monday are all about relaxing and enjoying the holiday. After I sleep late I'll be heading out to the beach. (cuz you know it's my favorite place to be) But which beach? Not quite sure yet - I'll decide that today. My first choice is further away, but more secluded. My second choice is closer, there's more to do in town (art show), but the beach is crowded and minimal. We'll see what I decide later.

Enjoy your holiday! ~Pam

Underwear Score

I used to be the type of person who would rather buy a new package of underwear rather than do laundry. Granted, it was back when I was living in an apartment and in order to do laundry I'd have to haul it to my parents' house or to the laundromat -- so I spent a fair amount of money on panties.

Of course, over the years my butt got fat and all those practically new pairs of underwear got stuff in a drawer. But guess what I discovered tonight?! Yep... major mountain of underwear!

WooHoo! New Panties Rock!

~Pam

Protein Coffee

Have I blogged about this already? I can't remember. But lately I've been really digging protein coffee. Basically just regular old coffee with a scoop of protein mixed in. Over the weekend I had two mugs a day. I even made a mug of it yesterday at work and plan to have another this afternoon.

A few months ago after my grandfather passed away we were going through some things in the house that needed to be put into the yard sale. One of the things was his new coffee maker that he'd gotten for the previous Christmas. It's the Keurig single-cup coffee maker. So I offered to buy it on the spot and gave my grandmother the cash. Ok... I know it's strange to love an appliance, but seriously you guys, this thing is amazing. I love my coffee maker! 

So to share my love of my coffee maker and my joy of having a comforting mug of protein coffee.... I thought I'd share with you my "recipe" for making protein coffee.

Protein Coffee

• 1 scoop protein powder (usually vanilla, but chocolate works for a mocha flavor)
• 2 squirts SF flavored syrup (I usually use Torani SF Vanilla)
• 1/4 cup milk

In a mug, mix the above ingredient until you form a thick and smooth paste out of the protein powder. Mix carefully so there are no lumps left.

Adding the Coffee --- If you have a single-cup coffeemaker like I do, just turn it on and let the coffee pour in - mixing while it brews. If you have a normal coffeemaker, then add a bit of hot coffee to the mug and mix thoroughly, then add a bit more coffee, mix, etc. They key to a smooth cup of coffee is the constant mixing and slow addition of the hot liquid to the protein powder paste.

Because of all the mixing and starting out with cold liquid it's usually not hot enough for me. So I put the mug into the microwave for about 20 seconds to give it a bit of heat.

Enjoy!
~Pam