The post from the other day lamented my feelings of failure. So today I wanted to clear things up. I know I'm not a failure. My brain knows that anyway. But my emotions sometimes scream louder than my brain and when that happens I forget that I need to change channels and listen to what my brain is saying.
I've lost over 100 pounds. I've maintained that loss for 15 months without gaining it back. I'm healthy and don't need medication to control my now-gone high blood pressure, asthma or insulin resistance. I'm athletic and I've finished a half marathon, a couple 10-miler races and a slew of 5k's. In a crowd I look like everyone else - not the fattest, not the skinniest, just normal sized. I am a success.
Today I went back and reviewed my list of "100 Ways" my life has changed since losing the weight. I never did get all the way to 100 because I stopped adding things to the list even though more great things were happening. But that list still includes 50 pretty awesome things. So often we forget how far we've come and what little things along the way had a huge impact on us at the time. Little things like moving the driver's seat forward a notch because my belly is no longer in the way. Those are the things that measure success.
This picture is a comparison of Summer 2007 vs. Summer 2009. I keep it on my cell phone and refer to it pretty often. It's easy to forget where I was before WLS, but this photo brings me back to reality very quickly.
So there. I'm not a failure. Even if I might say it sometimes ... or even feel like it sometimes ... I actually know that I'm not. I think the key is to remember the part where we have to push the self-doubt-failure-thoughts out of the way and invite I-know-I'm-a-success-feelings back into our lives.