Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Anger and Eating

As a general rule of thumb I'm not an emotional eater. When I'm stressed I don't eat at all. When I'm sad or happy or whatever, food isn't a comfort or celebrant. I usually have pretty good control over food and it's not an addictive thing for me. But apparently anger IS a trigger. Today started kind of rough. I was tired and a little cranky to begin with and I can feel myself getting to the edge of my limit with being on the run. I went out of town this weekend and was busy Monday and tonight and will have class until late tomorrow. Thursday can't come fast enough. So anyway, I was already cranky today and because I was tired, my fuse was shorter than normal. Then tonight's training group session didn't go well. I won't whine about the details, but essentially the attitude of the leader of our group stinks. He's insulting and condescending and puts group members down. He's an ex-runner so he doesn't really understand and embrace the difference that walking is. A few snide comments tonight put me over the edge. So I got angry. I kept my mouth shut and just did my thing, but inside I was fuming. While I was keeping my mouth shut I was thinking about food. It didn't take me long to realize that thoughts of food were my mind's way of tamping down the anger. But no matter how much I tried to push the food thought away, they kept coming back. On the drive home I wanted to stop at every fast food joint along the way and order something. Seriously, I had to force myself not to go through drive thrus. When I passed the last McD's on the way home and I was safe for the last 3 miles I started to cry because I'd been strong enough to resist the food. Then I got home and instead of cooking dinner I ate crap. Not a lot of crap, but still it wasn't the healthy option I'd planned. And now I'm angry again because I gave in to the emotional garbage. I'll have a protein shake later and that should salvage the day's calories. I hate this whole thing sometimes. The psychological struggle is tough. ~Pam


  1. You handled the situation admirably, Pam. When you find (unexpectedly) that you DO have an emotional trigger, recognize it on the spot and make your best effort to NOT give in to it, you're way ahead of the game. I applaud you for handling as you did...truly inspirational.

  2. I agree with Amy, Pam. You are a star, Girl. You handled the situation and didn't let it demolish you. Your strength, again, is an inspiration to me and others. Our food addictions run just as deep as the addictions that have destroyed millions worldwide, and sometimes we forget that. You are strong, Pam, and you WILL win. Love, Woody


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