Sunday, October 28, 2007

Excited, Anxious, Nervous, Strange Feelings

I Googled the word "anxious" and came up with this definition that seems to define how I'm feeling right now: full of mental distress or uneasiness; greatly worried; earnestly desirous; excited or eager One moment I'm excited and happy to be taking these great strides in my journey. One moment I'm scared and extremely nervous because of the risk of complications and the extreme changes I'll be facing. One moment I feel like I'm in a dream and all this is happening to someone else. Mostly I'm just eager to have the surgery and begin my new life. Today, Sunday, October 28th is the final day of "normal eating." I start my 2 liquid diet tomorrow morning. In a way I feel like I need to be having some big last-day-celebration with all my favorite foods and all my friends and family around. But here I sit at home, alone with very little food in the house since I haven't gone grocery shopping in a couple weeks. So even when I got up this morning there wasn't really anything here for breakfast and lunch was a frozen burrito that I nuked in the microwave. Sounds exciting, huh? This morning I made a batch of my grandmother's homemade noodles. My dad used to make these all the time when I was a kid and it's one of my favorite comfort foods. So the noodles are spread out on the kitchen counter air drying for now --- soon they'll be dinner. I'll grill up a chicken breast to go along with it. My official "last supper." My relationship with food will never be the same again. More soon... ~Pam

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