Here's the pattern (I think). When life gets very hectic and I'm busy every day for many days in a row I get this overwhelming feeling of just wanting to be home. Literally I find myself saying over and over in my head, "I just want to be home." Today is one of those days. It was about 2:00 this afternoon when I realized how often I'd been saying that to myself - almost like a mantra. It's weird.
Ok, so how does that relate to bad behavior?
First -- on days when I don't have specific obligations or commitments after work or on the weekend and I can actually just do whatever I want. I should actually hit the nature trails and get in a good workout. Tonight's weather was good and I had no plans. But I skipped the workout so I could be home.
Second -- when I find myself mentally exhausted I get lazy with my food. Lazy and sloppy and I don't care if I let bad eating habits creep back in. Today I didn't care and I ate crap food. I don't feel guilty about it - I do feel slightly yucky because my body doesn't like crap anymore - but mentally I just don't care. I think somehow the exhaustion and the need to be home makes me want comfort in some way and for so much of my life I used food as a source of comfort, so it's easy to fall back on that feeling.
SO.... this bad behavior doesn't happen very often. I do get the "I want to be home" thought pattern often, but it usually doesn't cause the bad behavior to this extent. So I shouldn't be beating myself up for not being perfect 100% of the time.
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Alright. I just went and updated my food log. (Yes, the link on the right still works.) It's just over 1,400 calories (and that includes still eating the dinner in a bit). Definitely heavy on the carbs, but at least I've still got my protein needs in and my fiber numbers don't actually look that bad. When I think about what these numbers really mean and compare them to what they would be before surgery ... it isn't really that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things.
BUT - I think it's my attitude that's attached to the bad eating and skipping exercise that bothers me the most. I believe I need to work on scheduling more downtime so I don't get to the point of breaking. Maybe I need to figure out how to scale back on some of the stuff I'm commited to. I dunno.. it's something I need to think about.
Ok. Now I'm going to go eat dinner. Earlier today I'd planned a big ole salad topped with grilled chicken - except I've switched the chicken to turkey to save a few calories. Then off to bed early so I can recoup a bit.
~Pam
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